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I blink hard every time i think of the number 35. I try to remember my mom when she was 35. I try to remember how I got here and if I feel like I’m “supposed to” at this age. I ask myself if I have  missed a window of opportunity to which I can never return because I am turning this NUMBER.  I laugh a lot at how much OLDER it seems in my mind than 34. I laugh harder when I reflect on how this year has made me, in so many ways, SO much younger.

Fifteen Things I’ve learned since my last birthday:

  1. Relaxing a grasping fist creates a receiving hand.
  2. Magic can really happen, no matter how jaded you believe you are.
  3. Everybody has something to teach (I didn’t say all the lessons were fun to learn).
  4. We’re not as stuck as we think we are. Paying close, yet detached and amused attention to the icky lessons often means not having to repeat them.
  5. We are almost always embodying the seeds of what we are seeking.
  6. Everything hasn’t been done before. Creativity is abundant and infinite.
  7. Debt is not quite as scary or insurmountable as it seems on paper.
  8. Children can transform “grown up” old souls into young spirits.
  9. Love doesn’t die, it just changes shape to fit the current container.
  10. I can swim a mile, bike 24 and run 6 all together. who knew?
  11. Abundance/poverty is almost always just a state of mind.
  12. Asking for what I want usually works when I’m specific about what my heart calls for  as long as I am un-attached to the outcome.
  13.   Surrendering to pleasure doesn’t directly inspire punishment.
  14. The flow of generosity and giving has nothing to do with reciprocity.
  15.   I’ve learned to see that opportunities that I don’t or can’t take are often omens of more appropriate things to come, not missed chances.

I’m grateful to breathe in. I’m grateful to breathe out. I have to pinch myself when I think of how many blessings have passed through my life in the last 12 months. Things that only grace, faith, a willingness to do the grunt work and a sense of humor could bring about.  2 years ago, you couldn’t have paid me to believe that I would feel so curious and fully alive at 35. . . I still grieve, cry, fight, surrender, experience unfulfilled longing and frustration, but somehow, I’m significantly more content day-in and day-out with being blessed, flawed, mostly clueless and human.